Our dream was to have a healthy baby. We never in our wildest dreams would have thought fulfilling that dream would be so hard…

We first decided to throw the birth control pills and start trying for a baby in 2006 . We were so nervous and excited at the same time. I noticed that my cycles were weird and some months were longer/ shorter than others. I just figured it was because I was on the pill for so long it was just taking my body sometime to get back into the swing of things. Finally a year had passed and still no pregnancy. We decided to go talk to an OB about my cycles and see if they could enlighten us on the baby making techniques.

We decided to see Dr. M and in talking with him about our struggles to get pregnant he suggested doing blood work to see what was going on with my cycles. I was shocked to learn that I had a syndrome called PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I was shocked because I didn’t have a majority of the PCOS signs or symptoms. Dr. M encouraged us to start taking clomid to help me ovulate. I never imagined I would have to take medication to help me ovulate. Then after six months of that not working I started to think that I was never going to get pregnant. Dr. M then decided to move one step further and try clomid with IUI’s (intrauterine insemination, aka turkey basting) . My emotions suddenly turned into anger and I was humiliated to think that Josh and I had to then move to IUI's to get pregnant. How clinical and unnatural is that? When we had our first failed IUI my heart just sank and it was truly the worst let down I have ever experienced. I think, for the first time in my life I was seriously depressed. I will never forget the night that I sat Josh down and looked at him and told him that he could leave me and I wouldn't resent him or hate him. I was so depressed that I couldn't give him what he wanted and dreamed about most… a child. Josh just held me as I cried and promised me that he loved me and that everything would be ok. I felt like it was my fault, I hated myself and I was so pissed at God I could seriously have cut him off for the rest of my life.

After we took a month off and I regrouped I gained the strength to try again. Dr. M was just sure that the IUI's would work for us so we tried for round two with another negative result. At this point Josh said "it's time we go see a specialist".

When we finally switched to Dr. R in Spokane, we felt a little more relieved in the sense that we were seeing a specialist. As we sat in his office overlooking Spokane he told us "I can get you pregnant". I thought AMEN! He's a specialist all he does is get people pregnant surly he could get us pregnant as well! He suggested doing a few more tests to check my cervix and fallopian tubes. When everything came back great he suggested Femera which helps me ovulate and IUI. After two rounds with no success we got that call we weren't expecting from Dr. R., He told us it was time to move forward. I was so confused thinking move forward to what? When he said I think we should move forward with IVF (in vitro fertilization), I just started crying. Due to my high FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) levels, they worry that I have a diminished ovarian reserve. In English, this means that I don't have great eggs and the ones that I do have aren't the best quality. By going through IVF they can basically grow my follicles at the right pace, monitor my hormones, fertilize my eggs and then monitor my embryos (eggs) quality. After five days of observation he can transfer the best quality embryos. Dr. R felt that this was our ticket to having a baby.

I never thought I would have to take fertility medications, I didn't expect to have to do IUI's, and we defiantly never thought we would have to do IVF... just to have a baby. The tests were endless; blood tests, scopes, HSG (to test my tubes), the inseminations, and then the results all negative! I always felt like I was dealing with one problem after another.

Why me, WHY ME! You know I honestly don't know the answer to that question and I doubt I ever will. What I do know is that it has brought Josh and I so much closer and has actually strengthen our marriage. The man, who used to complain about buying me tampons, now asks me about my cervical mucus and gives me shots of medications. He is my rock when I feel like I can't go anymore.

Not only has this whole process strengthened my marriage, it has also strengthened my relationship with God. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments of frustration with God but, I know he is with us and he is listening to us. He provides for us, he makes us strong, he picks us up when we are down, he never leaves us, and he's guiding us in the right direction. Maybe, this wasn't the ideal way Josh and I thought we would have a baby but I think this is God's way of teaching us patience, love, and passion for each other and our future family.

We truly appreciate all of our families and friends for their support and love during this time. We truly couldn’t do this without you. We love you!

Please keep us in your prayers during this time.